Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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