we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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