you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
