I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
