I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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