At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
