just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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