New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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