you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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