the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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