I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
