there was a trapeze. enough said
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the liver wants what the liver wants
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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