im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
