Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
