I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You need a sexual gate keeper
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
