she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
