whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
