watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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