the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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