clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
