90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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