You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize