Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
