Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
