my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
