I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sex in a hospital.. check
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So much Jack, so little girl.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
