there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you will always have a special place in my vag
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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