just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
