ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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