Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
