I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
