Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We are all done wearing pants today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
