I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
