Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
