My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
