I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im six kinds of drunk right now
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
