marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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