We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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