my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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