): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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