Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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