It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
