Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize