dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
