i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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