i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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