I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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