remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
