Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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