kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
