You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
