Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
