Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
