You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
