I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
