I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
