Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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