Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
