i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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