3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
