I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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