I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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