so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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