Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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