I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
tell me about the fingering
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
