hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wanna go halves on a baby?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
