Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
