Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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