Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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