Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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