I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
