I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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