I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
