I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
