On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
