I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish you could order shots online.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
