you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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