i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
